8 Must-Dos for Happy Relationships with Men in Turkey

I have had my fair share of interactions with men in Turkey while living here. Even though I have lived here since 2019, I know I haven’t seen it all but I have definitely seen plenty.

Most of my experiences with Turkish men have been incredibly positive though there have also been a few encounters that were not great.

This is an important topic because according to Psychology Today, intercultural marriages are up %15 since the 1960s. More and more people are entering relationships with people from different cultures.

We can have some incredible experiences but we also have to be aware of the unique challenges and they vary based on the culture.

In this article, I’ll share insights into common behavioral patterns of Turkish men and offer advice for foreign women navigating these dynamics.

Understanding these cultural differences is key to avoiding miscommunication. With some grace and patience, your experiences can be much more enjoyable.

Let me show you what I’ve learned from my own cultural missteps.

Understanding cultural context

The heart of any cross-cultural interaction lies in understanding the foundational values and beliefs of the other culture.

When it comes to Turkish men, several key characteristics are important for foreign women to recognize. However, before diving into these, I want to emphasize one crucial point: location significantly influences Turkish culture.

For instance, the culture in Istanbul differs greatly from that of the Black Sea Region or a small village in the Southeast.

There truly isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer; every individual has unique experiences that shape their behavior.

These are gross generalizations, so while you can’t assume any of these traits apply to every man, they can serve as great jumping-off points for conversations.

Respect for Tradition: Turkish men often have a deep respect for tradition and take pride in their heritage, which sometimes leads to behaviors that might seem outdated. This tendency can be seen in many cultures, not just Turkish.

Hospitable Nature: They are remarkably friendly and hospitable, welcoming towards foreigners and enjoying social interactions.

Paternalistic Attitude: In relationships, they tend to exhibit a somewhat paternalistic attitude rooted in cultural upbringing. Foreigners might perceive it as controlling, but in most cases, it stems from care.

For example, a friend of mine married to a Turkish man found that he was initially uncomfortable with her going out alone, as it is uncommon in this culture. After some discussions, they reached a compromise that respected both their perspectives.

Sensitivity: Turkish men are known for their emotional openness and expressiveness, which can surprise those from cultures where men are expected to be more stoic. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean there is a high emotional intelligence; they may simply express emotions more freely than Western men.

Strong Family Ties: Family plays a crucial role in Turkish society. A Turkish man highly values his family’s opinion, which can greatly influence his interactions and decisions in a relationship. The relationship with his mother, in particular, can be quite strong, bringing both delightful and frustrating dynamics.

Cultural Atlas has some great resources with more in-depth information regarding Turkish Culture, especially about families and business.

Common experiences with them

Charming encounters

Turkish men are often perceived as extremely courteous and friendly not to mention, tall, dark, and handsome.

They come from a culture that highly values hospitality, making foreigners feel welcome. They are surprisingly open and friendly, often initiating conversations and expressing a keen interest in getting to know foreign women.

They tend to be more expressive and romantic than American men, though this intensity may fade over time, just like in any relationship.

They aren’t shy about expressing their feelings, which can sometimes be interpreted as intense, especially for women accustomed to more reserved cultures.

Excessive praise

I recently had a younger man approach me, 14 years my junior, who wanted to go to coffee. He kept going on and on about how beautiful I was. “Thank you but also stop” is what I wanted to say.

I have a rule: I will give anyone one date (unless I feel unsafe or uncomfortable but it takes a lot) because who knows! So I figured I’d give this guy a shot even though he was quite young.

As we danced at my favorite meyhane after the best mezes, it felt like he was a bit eager. He went on and on about how beautiful I am and my eyes and my hair and and and. In the end, I canceled our date because I felt so uncomfortable.

I have even been proposed to with the intention of moving to America. People can be funny! Obviously, I said no.

While there are countless horror stories of someone being swindled while marrying someone here, the truth is that this can happen anywhere in the world.

There are common experiences but if you’re wise and aware, you will be fine. Protect your boundaries as you would in any culture and it will set you up for success.

can appear Controlling

Some foreign women may interpret the attention they receive as overwhelming, intense, or controlling, as it is often more direct than what we are used to in much of the Western world.

Understanding this within the cultural context is important; Turkish people are often warm and expressive by nature, but there is an entirely different experience in the tourism world.

Many foreign women report feeling a sense of protection when with their Turkish partners, who want to look after and care for them. However, for women who value their independence, this can come across as controlling.

Having conversations about boundaries is crucial. If you can’t agree, then it isn’t a good fit. Cut the ties and move on.

Communication issues

The language barrier can be a significant issue if there is no shared language. While many Turks in urban areas speak at least some English, miscommunication can still happen due to language differences in varying cultural contexts.

Even with people I know well and who know me, I still experience miscommunications, and I know Turkish.

When two different cultures come together and try to approach things from opposite ends of the spectrum, miscommunications are bound to happen. Have grace with each other!

Open communication about issues or even just day-to-day events can often resolve misunderstandings quickly.

Navigating these interactions with cultural sensitivity and openness is essential.

your interactions with them

One final thing to consider is how you, as a woman, interact with the men you encounter. As Western women, we are often more friendly with strangers than even Turks would be.

When you are overly friendly, making prolonged eye contact, or intentionally smiling at someone you don’t know, you communicate that you’re open to more, whether or not you mean to.

If you’re not interested in a conversation, avoid prolonged eye contact with men. Since moving to Turkey I have learned to perfect my RBF (resting bitch face) while walking through the city.

If you talk with me anywhere else, I promise I’m quite lively and smiley.

Challenges

Building Mutual Understanding: Establishing comprehension and communication can take time due to cultural and language differences. Misunderstandings often arise from the natural assumptions we hold within our own languages.

Gender roles and expectations: The culturally ingrained gender roles and expectations may lead to misunderstandings in the relationship dynamics. This is true in relationships but it is also a clear aspect of Turkish culture. Just visit the Grand Bazaar and you will see what I mean.

Acceptance in the extended family: While many Turkish families are welcoming, some might have reservations about their son marrying a foreigner. You might find yourself on the wrong side of the mother, which will be incredibly hard to recover from, especially if he is close to his mother at all.

One of my favorite examples of this is the series Beni Boyle Sev. I must admit, however, that the second season was too dramatic and I never finished. The first season, however, is gold!

Rewarding Aspects

Learn and experience a new culture: Being in a relationship with a Turk offers foreign women a fair opportunity to learn about Turkish culture, language, and customs. When this is paired with compromise, it benefits everyone involved.

Enjoying the romance: The romantic nature of men here can make the relationship feel incredibly passionate and vibrant. What woman doesn’t love to be pursued? Just make sure that if you aren’t interested, you are clear and stern.

One woman I know actually moved here because she felt so loved and seen by men which had not been the case where she was living previously. She is now getting married!

Grow as a person: Having shared experiences and overcoming challenges together can greatly strengthen the bond in these relationships.

Being in any relationship causes personal growth, but romantic relationships, in particular, foster closeness and deeper connections.

“Our current study results show that personal growth was associated with relationship quality and identity outcomes.” (Professor Amy Muise in the Faculty of Health at York University)

Having a Turkish boyfriend offers a blend of challenges and rewards. With cultural understanding, mutual respect, and open communication, it can blossom into a gratifying partnership.

9 Tips for Intercultural Relationships

Navigating an intercultural relationship involves understanding their culture, respecting differences, and ensuring equality in the relationship.

Here are some tips and advice if you decide to pursue this relationship.

1. Cultural sensitivity: Respect and engage with his culture, traditions, and language. Show genuine interest in his culture and create a deeper connection. Ask questions is also helpful for growing any type of relationship.

2. Assertive communication: Be clear and assertive about your feelings and boundaries. The Culture Map is an incredibly helpful book. While the context is the workplace, understanding the six main areas of cultural differences will impact every aspect of life.

Generally, Turkish culture is a very indirect culture but by communicating clearly, you can save yourself many headaches.

3. Understanding: Recognize the differences in your cultural contexts and aim for mutual understanding and compromise. Again, The Culture Map could be quite useful. As you understand these differences, you’ll be better equipped to respond when issues arise.

4. Respect for religion: Appreciate his religious views and make your own viewpoint clear to maintain mutual respect.

While Turkey is predominantly Muslim, many identify as “Muslim” in the same way Americans are “Christian,” especially in Istanbul and other major cities.

This means it’s a part of their identity in name but may not be closely observed. Having these conversations can help ensure you’re on the same page as you move forward. Find out if they celebrate Ramadan or what their daily faith looks like.

In the smaller villages and towns, you will likely find more devout Muslims, so consider discussing religion before getting too involved. This article on PBS lines out the Islamic faith which can be a great starting point.

5. Balance: Strive for a balance between adopting local customs and asserting your own cultural values. It takes two to tango. A healthy intercultural relationship involves both giving and taking.

One time my boyfriend and I were making dinner and I asked how I could help. He gave me the salad to make. In my home, it was always a tossed salad. If you know anything about Turkey, it is usually a salad with each veggie separated out.

When I finished he said to me, “Oh you make salad like that? I guess I need to get used to things being different” and I couldn’t help but laugh because what a simple thing, and yet we each experience it so differently.

You shouldn’t do everything they want and simultaneously they shouldn’t do everything you want. Compromise is king.

6. Open-mindedness: Accept that there will be differences and be open to learning and adapting wherever possible. Learning to engage with people who are different from you fosters personal growth, which is one of my highest values.

It is in this growth that we can love better and engage with the world differently, leaving it better than we found it.

7. Safety: Always prioritize your safety. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or unsafe with the pace or direction of the relationship, communicate your feelings clearly and assert your boundaries.

One common way I’ve seen women experience discomfort is through the “control” some men may want to exert. This could manifest as reluctance to allow you to go on a girls’ trip alone or a need for constant updates about your whereabouts.

If there can’t be compromise, if jealousy leads to control, or if there is any abuse, it is time to exit the relationship and move on with your life.

8. Building mutual trust: Trust is the foundation of all relationships. Be honest, reliable, and consistent to foster a trusting relationship. This means explaining when you don’t understand something or when you need something different.

Building trust can be challenging when you don’t share the same culture, but it’s even more critical.

9. Not moving in desperation: This applies to any relationship. If you feel urgency or pressure, remember that you don’t have to act on it. You may feel pressured to avoid offending someone since you’re in a foreign country.

But like all long-distance relationships, if they’re built on genuine connection and a solid foundation, they are destined for failure.

With these guidelines, navigating a relationship with a Turkish man as a foreign woman can lead to a rewarding and enriching experience that appreciates cultural nuances and individual boundaries.

Frequently Asked Questions

Final Thoughts on Turkish Men

Whether you’re dating a Turkish man or simply hoping to navigate social interactions while in Turkey, I hope you’ve found this information helpful.

While experiences can vary widely, and some may be negative, remember that not everyone fits a stereotype. Many have found love in Turkey and are thriving.

As you interact and build relationships with Turks, embrace the opportunity to learn and appreciate the cultural narratives that shape these individuals.

Immerse yourself in this remarkable culture, and with this knowledge, you’ll be better equipped to handle these interactions confidently and safely.